Our group recently gathered together to discuss Roadmap To Redemption by Rebecca Bender. This book is a must read for anyone who works with women who have been exploited. Rebecca does a great job of helping readers understand the mental manipulation that occurs and the mindset of a victim. The second half of the book is unique in that it is also a workbook for survivors. Though geared towards the survivor, it benefits those who work with survivors by equipping them how to walk along side them during their healing journey.
We started our discussion by talking about the tactics pimps use to manipulate girls. We felt Rebecca did a great job of breaking these down and providing examples of this process.
Grooming
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Turning
Out
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Breaking
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He
spends a lot of time with her. He takes her to dinners and clubs.
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He
may tell her, “You’ll get fast money for something you’re doing already.”
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He
physically abuses her for making simple mistakes and for being so “stupid”.
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He
buys her nice gifts like name brand clothes and jewelry.
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He might say things like, “You’re sleeping with guys anyway… it’s not like you were a virgin before this.” |
He
berates her for not making enough money.
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He
talks about how much money they can make together.
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He
may force or convince her to work for an escort service.
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He
convinces her that she is the problem, and she mostly believes him because
after all, he’s been doing this a long time.
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He
pulls her into his plans: everything becomes “we” in these conversations.
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He
may give her a quota to reach for the night.
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She
longs for him to be proud of her the way he’s proud of the other girls.
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He
begins to seclude her from her family and friends.
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He
may drive her to each “date” and promise to be right outside.
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She
realizes how alone she is. She feels like staying with her pimp is her only
option.
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He
may start talking about marriage right away.
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He
may get her a new tattoo or “brand” of his initials, his name or a saying,
especially concerning “the life” or “the game”.
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She
may believe it is her fault she got to this place and now only she will be
able to get herself out.
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After talking about these tactics we moved into our discussion. Our leader (Thanks Hannah!) did a great job at guiding our conversation around quotes from the book. We spent a lot of time talking after we reread the 40 reasons she won't leave. It is so heartbreaking to know that such cruel and manipulative tactics are used to brainwash and manipulate another human being. We saw a lot of similarities to what occurs in relationships that are marked with domestic abuse.
Here are the questions we used for our discussion. Take some time and think about how would you answer them.
Quote: Pg. 5
“Did you know that the Trafficking In
Persons Report (the TIP Report), which studies human trafficking worldwide
annually, did not even include the United States until 2010? We are grading
each country but our own.”
Question:
What does this quote tell you about America’s general
mindset about trafficking?
Quote: Pg. 5,6
“I
love to use the analogy of a frog in boiling water: If you were to throw a frog
in a pot of boiling water, it would jump out immediately. However, if you were
to put a frog in a pot of regular water, and put it on the stove, allowing it
to heat gradually, the frog would cook to death. That is human trafficking.”
Question:
Do you agree with this analogy? What can advocate groups do
to keep girls from “boiling”?
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Quote: Pg. 11
“...NEVER use the lingo to try to get on our [survivors] level or make
us feel like you can identify. You may think, “See, I’ll use the lingo so
she’ll know I know.” “Maybe she’ll open up to me if I seem up on the game.” The
opposite is usually true. When you try to start acting like you have a clue
what life in the game is like, you insult us. Not only is it insulting to
pretend like you have a clue what “my life” is like, but you are reinforcing
the pimp’s mocking of squares. So, really when you start using lingo, we hear
his voice in our head making fun of you.”
Question:
How can advocates use this advice to better serve victims?
Do you think it is ever appropriate to use the “lingo” with victims?
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Pages 28-33
Reread the ‘40 reasons she won’t
leave’ on pages 28-33.
Question:
Which of these reasons was most difficult to believe? With
which of these reasons did you most easily identify? Why do victims
continue to believe in broken promises and blatant lies?
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Quote: Pg. 111
“There can be so many areas that
may seem “normal” but have no place in the kingdom of God. Handling these
things the way your family did may only lead you down a bitter path, or may
trigger some of your old behaviors.”
Question:
What behaviors or habits have you watched a victim struggle
to break after leaving The Life? What behaviors and habits did you learn from
your own family and need help breaking after leaving the home?
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Quote: Pg. 130, 131
”...Lies are not always drastic.” “Not everyone who escapes from Human
Trafficking believes in you Lord? You didn’t set them free? There are some people
there who actually were set free by Satan?” “Yes,” The Lord replied, “They have
just switched their cloak of bondage. “No, they are not being beat and raped,
but they are still slaves to self-promotion, fame and importance. Their
handcuffs are just fuzzy now.”
Question:
What thoughts do you have about this idea, that victims
could be freed by Satan from Human Trafficking and into some other form of
bondage? Have you ever considered this before?
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Quote: Pg. 136
“The most effective boats have both a motor
and an anchor. Two anchors would make a boat sit stagnant and two motors would
send you spiraling in crazy directions.”
Question:
How should this metaphor guide advocates’ interactions with
victims of trafficking?
